Friday, August 5, 2011

The US Economy is a Joke ...

The Onion has long been a favourite source of ironic news. Like Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert it's probably a bit too close to the bone sometimes and it's a worry whether Americans who may or may not be informed actually get the irony!
The piece - "Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is" - is a parody of US Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke's views on the economy. (H/T to Tom Magarey)

Well worth a read indeed. But be warned, swearing is involved.

My favourite bit ...
"Look, they don't want anyone except for the Washington, D.C. bigwigs to know how bad shit really is," said Bernanke, slurring his words as he spoke. "Mounting debt exacerbated—and not relieved—by unchecked consumption, spiraling interest rates, and the grim realities of an inevitable worldwide energy crisis are projected to leave our entire economy in the shitter for, like, a generation, man, I'm telling you."

A drunken Bernanke attempts to find the Aerosmith song "Back In The Saddle" on the bar jukebox.

"And hell, as long as we're being honest, I might as well tell you that a truer estimate of the U.S. unemployment rate is actually up around 16 percent, with a 0.7 percent annual rate of economic growth if we're lucky—if we're lucky,"
Another bargoer confirmed Bernanke stood about 2 inches from her face and sprayed her with saliva, claiming inflation was going to "totally screw" consumer confidence and then asking if he could bum a smoke.
"Sure, we could hold down long-term interest rates and pursue a program of quantitative easing, but c'mon, we all know that's not going to make the slightest bit of difference when it comes to output, demand, or employment," Bernanke said before being told to "try to keep [his] voice down" by the bartender. "And trust me, with the value of the U.S. dollar in the toilet, import costs going through the roof, and numerous world governments unprepared for their own substantial debt burdens, shit's not looking too good for us abroad, either."

"God, I'm so wasted," added Bernanke, resting his head on the bar ...
Unfortunately, it's a parody that's pretty close to the truth. Well maybe not the drunken Bernanke bit. I imagine he might be a bit too much of a control freak to even drink.

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